Trendspotting: Moist Man Crotch

There are no words to describe how upsetting these Margiela pants make me feel.

From a distance, they just look like a boring pair of dad jeans dyed in that uninspired gray white denim color. But up close, you notice the dark spot just beneath the front zipper and underneath the crotch area.

Is it a mistake? Is it ventilation? Is it fashion?

Not knowing what to make of it kept me bewildered. Who would wear this and if I miraculously found that person, how would he wear it? That's the only intriguing quality about this pair of pants.

It looks like his balls got moist and formed a wet spot just below his scrotum. The look is even worse from behind.

YES
I'm utterly confused.

NO
I do not like it. I do not condone it. I do not wish to look at it again.

MAYBE
You are the designer who thought this is the pant that men have always dreamed of and wanted. You are wrong.

Sweatin' It Out in Leatha Shorts!

These leather sweat shorts from Oak NYC have been on my radar for a while. They did a perforated version of them in the spring that allowed your Joe Boxers to breathe in the heat.

And for fall/winter, they've come out with a simple pair of leather boxer shorts with the wide elastic waist band.

These are so badass even though they will never see the inside of a boxing ring!

Men have had a long relationship with leather ever since a caveman figured to kill and wear the wooly mammoth of their dreams. Most recently, the leather biker jacket was a symbol of being a rebel whose only cause was to make noise with his hog. But the biker cliche has been played out and no longer seen as badass...especially since most men who ride Harley Davidsons are middle-aged yuppies.

Hence my obsession with leather workout shorts. For this new generation of men, their heroes don't straddle motorcycles. For the most part they are the gods of sport who kill the competition with their styles on and off the court. And LeBron James would rock these shorts.

YES
LeBron and I are kindred style spirits (file under: wishful thinking).

NO
If you are one of the middle-aged men with a Harley, you might want to leave this trend to the young kids. So back off grandpa.

MAYBE
You kept your Hammer pants from the nineties and can make them into shorts. All you need is a pair of scissors. Go for it.

Japanese Homeland Invasion of the Good Kind

Trendspotting led me to a blogpost on Racked.com.  They've discovered AKi-Home, a new Japanese version of IKEA, which offers inexpensive home decor and furniture with streamlined modern design. But unlike IKEA, AKI-Home's products are actually called by their English names.

So instead of saying "Uddgrund" you actually say "Shower Curtain."

Think of it as a distant cousin to Muji. But it's bigger.

I can't wait for their NYC invasion. Hopefully they will also have food because I am tired of eating Swedish meatballs.

YES
This is the only acceptable kind of invasion. It's not like Iraq, where America invaded to redecorate its government. This is more like I need a rug to spruce up the place...not a new dictator.

NO
Just because you don't eat sushi doesn't mean that you can't shop here either. Chopsticks have many other uses.

MAYBE
You're in Japan and you've got a Muji and Aki-home on every corner of your Shibuya. This is like your 7-Eleven which will be invading your country if it hasn't already...along with Abercrombie & Fitch. For that I apologize.

Jay-Z x Barneys Collab Review

Saw this today and can I just say "what a disappointment!" It's basically all the stuff that real street people wear on a daily basis but hiked up by 100% because a designer name is tied to it.

For example, the Balenciaga bag looks like something from the Philip Lim x Target collection.

The python Trimmed hat is WAY overpriced for something I can get at New Era.

And who is really buying this stuff anyway? Is it his hardcore fans from the streets? Doubtful. Is it the overpaid NYC bankers who buy boxed seats at his Barclay's Center concert? Most definitely.

Even though this collaboration is supposed to raise money for his charity, wouldn't he have been better off just asking Barney's to give money to the Shawn Carter Foundation; and in turn he could do an in-store concert or appearance?

The only thing from this that I do like are the embroidered leather boxer shorts and the Rick Owens hoodie. The rest of it will end up at a premium outlet store near you.

YES
At least Jay-Z still makes amazing affordable music. And that's all I ever wanted.

NO
No one in their right minds would even shoplift this from the store since Barney's and the NYPD have the sidewalks on Madison Ave on lockdown.

MAYBE
You're a die-hard Jay-Z fan and he can do no wrong. And your name is probably Beyonce.

My Favorite New Tumblr

Betty is a personal shopper at Bergdorf's and she now has a Tumblr.

Thank goodness she does, because she's amazing. Her scene-stealing scenes in the documentary Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf's had me chortling out loud.

Now that her wisdom and barbs are available on Tumblr, I have more to look forward to every day.

YES
She's a pistol and I'm adding her Tumblr to my daily reading along with my Horoscope and Weather Channel app.

NO
What? You're not a fan or you don't care to know who she is? Well, here are some of her memorable quotes:

"Show me a person who doesn't like new things. And I say she isn't a woman."
"Women are so competitive these days...those newlywed women with kids...they'll Prada themselves to death."
"What would I be doing if I were't doing this? I'd be drinking."

MAYBE
You shop at Macy's and not at Bergdorf's. Pity. You're missing out.

Trendspotting: I'm Golden for Spring 2014

Fendi Marcello Oxfords in gold.

YES
For Spring 2014, all that glitters in my eye is gold

NO
This isn't for you, if you're more into white gold, silver, platinum or titanium.

MAYBE
You realize these shoes are last season and you would be right. Because what is old is new again. It's called sustainable-fashion and I'm all about recycling the things I find in the outlet malls.

#DontGetIt

Saw this online today and either I don't understand the need to be warm and cold at the same time. Or, this is the UGGs of Hawaii. Lord knows my island brethren love their flip flops and it's been a couple of years since I've been back.

Or maybe these shearling flip flops are for the podiatry challenged (some people can't walk on anything hard). So they need to wear shoes that feel like carpet…I type nonplussed--my SAT word for the day.

YES
Be afraid. Lord knows I am.

NO
Japanese socks don't make this any better. Even the Harajuku kids pointed and laughed at this. And they still rock the uncomfortable wooden sandal. Way harsh Japan.

MAYBE
You invented these ludicrous things and you're laughing all the way to the bank. And your name is Phoebe Philo of Celine (see image from Celine spring 2013 collection). It's still not okay.

Hating on Couples in Matching Outfits

YES
Gay or straight, it don't make it right.

NO
I don't care if you got the shirts because they were 2 for 1.

MAYBE
You're twins and you're forced to dress alike by your parents.

Ahead of the Pack

On Style.com's "Look of the Day," I found that the fanny pack is trending (again!).

I've always worn the fanny pack even when it fell out of style and came back again and fell out again. I love them. To prove my point, I will share this true and tragic tale.

This past summer, my boyfriend decided to throw me a surprise birthday party at my favorite restaurant in the city. Not knowing that 10 of my closest friends would be at the restaurant to greet me, I decided to put together a casual-smart look that included a beige center seam t-shirt, dark wash jeans, dark brown Gucci loafers and my pale blue MiuMiu fanny pack (circa 1999 when MiuMiu still made men's clothing/accessories).

It should have dawned on me that something was up when my boyfriend asked me "that's what you're going to wear tonight?"

But I didn't care since I love wearing my fanny pack because it holds everything I need and is placed in a convenient place. And there's nothing more unattractive on a man than a bulky pocket. Naturally, when we arrived at the restaurant, I think my friends were more surprised to see me wearing a fanny pack than I was surprised to see all of them in one place. One described me as a super gay Batman. Another was impressed that I held on to something so old. Someone else called it "so Carrie Bradshaw" (ick!).

In the end they all had a good laugh. But with the return of the fanny pack on the Spring 2014 runways, guess who's laughing now. Guess I've been ahead, to the side, to the back of the pack all this time.

YES
I actually should upgrade to a Lonchamp leather belt bag (fancy way of saying fanny pack).

NO
If you are a middle-aged suburban parent or have an ass the size of Saturn, the fanny pack is not for you. Sorry Glenn Coco.

MAYBE
You're Will Smith and you want to leave your fanny pack days behind along with your flat top haircut and music career. #parentsjustdon'tunderstand.

My Precious

 Confessions of a Sneaker Head

I LOVE SNEAKERS! 

High-tops, low-tops, mids in nylon, leather, plastic, camo, glitter or cheetah print. I love them all. And with the influx of designer sneakers in the market recently, it's certain that Golem and I aren't the only ones dreaming about our precious sneaks. Because a designer (mainly Nicholas Ghesquiere) realized that there's a lot of money to be made in sneakers. And it's the essential accessory for all street style stars.

But the popularity of sneakers wasn't just driven by one talented Frenchman. It doesn't hurt that a new generation of men and women have taken jobs outside the traditional money-making industries of finance and banking. Many have taken on new roles in the ever growing fields of tech, app development and websites. Here the uniform isn't a blue suit, tie and oxfords. The look is about clean t-shirts, jeans and sneakers (see Mark Zuckerberg as textbook example). This created a whole new consumer for whom the sneaker goes beyond the treadmill in the gym. It's part of their everyday uniform.

YES
I'm always looking at a few sneakers such as:
--Jeremy Scott's Adidas plaid high-tops
--Nike Air Force 1 Downtown in silver metallic
--Rick Owens for Adidas sneaker
--Anything Y-3

NO
Orthopedics don't count as sneakers.

MAYBE
You're a banker who can hit the courts and play like Jordan in your Sperry Top Siders. You go boy!

In My CLUTCHES!

I hate carrying shopping bags by the handles. It inevitably nicks me in shins as I navigate the crowded sidewalks of New York. Sometimes, the handle drops are too long for my vertically-challenged demeanor and the bag drags on the ground.

So I've developed a habit of carrying my shopping bags folded and tucked closely to my thighs or clasped under my arms. It's just more comfortable for me that way. Am I crazy? The answer is I am certifiable…certifiably chic!

It's also the reason why I've been carrying portfolios for several years. Sometimes, just having your junk in the palm of your hands is more satisfying than carrying a big tote bag or having a messenger bag strapped across your chest. On a light day, the only thing on me is a magazine or tablet, my phone, wallet, umbrella, Chapstick and a pack of gum.

Unsurprisingly, when Phillip Lim introduced his 31 Minute portfolio bag with the handle strap (see bag image on left). I was determined to get my clutches on

this perfect little bag; because I am crazy enough to think that someone could easily grab and steal my other portfolios from me while I'm in the subway since I'm not holding firmly onto my bag like I would if it were a briefcase. Obviously, this Lim bag suits my self-complicated neurotic lifestyle. It also happens that there is a Phillip Lim sample sale happening this week in the city. Hazza!

Making my way to the promise land today, I found a table with only one bag left in the camel color. Even though it didn't come with a dust bag, I managed to score the bag for 70% off the retail price. #WINNING

YES
The fashion gods wanted me to have this bag.

NO
You don't need this if you carry your bags like a normal sane person.

MAYBE
You're totally off the deep end and you prefer to use lunch boxes as your briefcases…and you happen to be a 50 year old corporate lawyer. Seek professional help.

Trendspotting: Only in Japan

A recent article on NYMag.com discusses how an advertising agency in Japan solved the dilemma of selling their big ass burgers to women.

Apparently, women consider small dainty mouths a sign of beauty. Cracking it wide open to take a bite out of a big ass burger is unattractive.

YES
Hide your shame with a good-looking wrapper. I approve.

NO
You're right to think this is still creepy.

MAYBE
You prefer to eat tacos and would prefer a wrapper with a Mexican Gaucho's moustache on it instead. Viva Taco Bell! Viva!

Beam Me Up to Planet Gaultier

A Gaultier denim vest was my first real designer purchase that I made using my own money when I was 18. So it's no surprise that I made the trek yesterday to the Brooklyn Museum to see the Jean Paul Gaultier fashion exhibit (more pics to come on Instagram).

And it was magnifique!

Ironically placed in the American wing, you had to walk through rooms of antique George Washington era furniture and portraits. Perhaps they placed Gaultier in that wing because his designs give the sense of creative freedom. The clothes represent a man who feels free to explore his fancy, which includes his glamorous take on S&M, the luxury  grocery cart made of fur and the infamous cone bras that will poke your eye out if you get too close.

But that's all I could do to the clothes was look as close as possible to see every hand painted detail, corset and flights of imagination on display. I also learned a lot. The fragrance can was inspired by his mother who recycled everything after the war before it even became fashionable. It was out of scarcity. I also realized how much he loves illusion. Each piece looks like one thing from the distance but then you get up close to it and you see that the copper metal-looking corset is actually patent leather strips. The leopard print coat is actually made of feathers painted with spots.

The light projection of models' faces onto the mannequins also made the show more engaging since they would start speaking with French accents and just leer at you as you inspected their clothes. As a New Yorker familiar with riding the subway, getting leered at was nothing new. The singing mannequin was my favorite.

The only disappointing thing about the exhibit was that there wasn't more for me to see and explore. It was so easy to get lost in the fantastical world of Gaultier. So with the void, I did what anyone else would do...I went shopping.

YES
If you can trek it to Brooklyn, it's worth checking out.

NO
Don't wait until it gets to the Met because it never will.

MAYBE
You think the McQueen exhibit was be all and end all...well you're wrong.