What Your T-Shirt Says about You

It's one of the most basic items in a man's wardrobe that speaks volumes to those of us who see it. Based on years of non-scientific research and backed by prejudiced data mined through hours of sitting at a mall bench observing people, this is what your t-shirt says about you:

1. A high school or college t-shirt: That's when you peaked.
2. A v-neck t-shirt: You are gay.
3. A deep v-neck t-shirt: You are a gay slut.
4. A t-shirt with an American flag: You are a foreigner or you are from the south (about the same).
5. A t-shirt with a foreign flag: You are American who studied abroad. Hola!
6. A muscle t-shirt: You're a narcissist with some shortcomings.
7. An Ed Hardy t-shirt: You smell like a tanning salon.
8. A sleeveless t-shirt: You are an analyst by day, but a poor confused hipster at night.
9. Printed or Colorful t-shirt: Your girlfriend bought it to ward off other girls.
10. A logo t-shirt: Your mom bought it.
11. Message/joke t-shirts: You are obviously single for a reason.

Say yes to basic tees that fit and don't have too much going on.
Say no, no, no to the t-shirts that get you noticed for the wrong reasons.
Maybe you can get away with a t-shirt that you're being paid to wear.