I Wish Street Style Would Die a Quick and Happy Death

Call me a hater, but I'm over it.

It was cute and novel in the beginning. But the ubiquity of street style blogs everywhere is killing individuality and surprise. It just seems like everyone's a street style star and everyone dresses for the sole purpose of the camera versus for themselves.

It's bad news when the only person on the street who I think has the best sense of style is the guy who's wearing everything in his closet, which just happens to be Margiela. But even this guy is street style bait and within 6 months, everyone will be layering like him.

Perhaps that's my other problem with street style. The blatant and constant stealing. It seems like a person's individual style is open for interpretation, inspiration and theft. It's one thing for a designer to be inspired by someone but it's another to just blatantly steal someone's look for the sole purpose of commerce and a styling trick and then move on to the next one.

It's vampiric.

YES
I should look away but I just can't seem to since it's always in my face.

NO
Say no to homogeny and yes to individuality!

MAYBE
Personal style is overrated and we are all going to look like the same biracial child in the future wearing the same distressed denim and apple watch.

Personally Yours

I think that people are over luxury. At least they are tired with the general idea of luxury, which includes an It bag, It watch, shoes and everything in between. That includes the logo emblazoned sweatshirt that you only wear for parties at the Hamptons sold at Barney's for $1,200 US.

What used to be a special item you wore only a handful of times has become over commercialized with every tweet, post, instagram and tragic YouTube unboxing video.

That's why people...err...consumers have moved towards personalization. I've done it. It started with Ralph Lauren's custom polo shirts with my initials and I slowly moved on to LL Bean totes with my friend's nicknames.

The novelty was fun at first. But then, everyone started having their initials placed on everything else. So in the end, the idea of personal luxury also lost its luster.

YES
Fashion is a bitch. Being original takes a lot of work to make it personal and unique. Even your initials aren't enough.

NO
You don't need to pay extra to make it personal. Just get a stencil and some paint.

MAYBE
You can afford to have one of a kind things made just for you. It's called Haute Couture. You're definitely doing it way big.

Wow that's Fugly

Fugly is a wonderful word that combines the emotive power of an expletive and the strong affirmative of a noun.

This shoe by Raf Simons x Adidas is fugly.

It looks like a fashionable boot for Frankenstein before he descends down the castle to terrorize the unsuspecting townspeople below.

Several things make this boot, sneaker, ice hockey shoe meets track and field sneaker a fugly piece of footwear.

1. The shape is boxy and blunt with no foreseeable function.

2. It's supposed to be a winter boot; but the product description never mentions insulation.

3. The price of $1,280 for a piece of molded rubber that looks as good as porto-potty at the end of a music festival is just dumb.

YES
You will see this at an Adidas outlet store in the near future.

NO
I don't think Raf Simons is pulling a joke on the fashion world.

MAYBE
You have a club foot like Oedipus. Well, have I got a shoe for you.

All That Glitters is Saint Laurent

I bought these shoes over the summer and I'm obsessed.

Looking down actually makes me happy because the glitter taps into my inner Dorothy of Kansas and allows me to travel to a magical land called Oz of My Childhood.

In a way, it's therapeutic. At least that's how I justify paying so much money for them.

Wearing them in a city, which no longer prizes individuality and creativity, my feet get a lot of stares from strangers. Luckily, my feet don't have feelings of insecurities because they are just feet.

And these are just another pair of shoes.


YES
I love my new pumped up kicks. Mahalo Hedi.

NO
Watching Wizard of Oz doesn't cheer me up as much as wearing these shoes.

MAYBE
You don't need shoes to cheer you up some days because you have Prozac. It beats alcohol.

Trendspotting: Street Style Homogeny

Watching all the pageantry of fashion week especially off the runway, I realize that modern style is taking a nap this season while everyone dreams of homogeny.

Slideshow after slideshow on Style.com, Fashionista, theSatorialist, NYMag etc. everything looked the same. I was about to post a picture of street style shots from 2012 versus 2014 to make my point, but I bet everyone realizes that at the end of the day, I'm right. Hence, there's no pic with this post. It's all words and potential emojis like :-( for all the things I've seen around fashion week.

It was the usual cast of denim cut off shorts, fringe, boots, funky hats, tiny bags on straps and lots of expensive sneakers. The only difference from the previous year may be the faces. But even they all start to look the same. I did notice that more models have popped up into the street style slideshows since...let's face it, they look good in anything and in every picture.

Perhaps it's because fashion as entertainment has reached mass consumption that all the peacocks have sprouted the same feathers. Each one trying to out do each other with well-practiced poses to show off their outlandish get ups.

Or, I'm a jaded person who realizes that the bloggers were gifted the outfit, the photographers set up the "casual" shots and the real individuals who still have lots of personal style are camera shy.

YES
Wake me up when this homogenous nightmare is over and I can start dreaming again.

NO
Street-style star is no longer a viable career. We can see right through you and your bought Instagram friends.

MAYBE
The street style photographers should be taking pictures of the hairdressers, make-up artists and "real" creatives behind-the-scenes as they leave the venues in their outfits. Those are the people I want to see.

A Man's Guide to Tattoos

I'm not one to judge the design of a man's tattoo since to each his own. So I don't care if you have a tribal tattoo, a cartoon one, or an exoskeleton like Zombie Boy here.

But where you place the damn thing is another story. Also, how you take care of it is something I can speak to since I have a man's tramp stamp (see #2) of my own.

Here are the basics.

1. PLACEMENT: Visible tattoos should only be on men who don't have office jobs. This goes for the neck tattoo and the tear drop eye markings--which is apparently a way of showing how many men you've killed. Guess this is useful information for prison. The type of guy who usually has a neck tattoo with his name, his mom's image or a cross larger than the kind you found in Israel during Roman times probably works in an auto body shop, pawn shop or biker shop (see all of the Discovery Channel shows), a band or a barista at Starbucks.

2. MAN'S TRAMP STAMP: Any tattoo placed on the pelvic area of a man that's right above his junk is the male equivalent to a woman's tramp stamp (a tattoo placed on the lower back above the ass crack). It says gay--just like me. It also implies that you're probably a man-whore...not that there's anything wrong with that. More power to your pelvis like Elvis.

3. UPKEEP: Okay, so the real reason I decided to put a tattoo on my pelvis is to keep my body in check. There's nothing sadder than seeing a stretched out tattoo with stretch marks cutting through the original ink. Placing mine on my waist line ensured a lifetime of ab workouts to keep it in check. Pilates is my preferred way to keep it tight. But this goes for all tattoos. Don't let them get stretched out or droop over time. Hit the gym and always apply sunscreen on the area to keep the ink from fading.

3. THINK IT THROUGH: Try to think a tattoo through before you get it. Ideally, you'd research the ink shop, get recommendations from guys who have tattoos you really like or read Yelp reviews. Names of people outside your immediate family is a recipe for disaster along with getting a tattoo while under the influence.

YES
Tattoos are on everyone and not as dangerous as they used to be. But it's just another ancient form of body decoration. Channel your inner Martha Stewart and decorate away.

NO
Having a tattoo doesn't make you sexy or cool. It just means you have nothing better to do with your time, money or body.

MAYBE
You're more into piercings. If that's the case, I'm not the guy to get advice from.

Under Consideration: Pierced is Firece

Versus Pierced Backpack

It seems ironic that piercing an accessory is such a fashionable turn-on when I'm so easily turned-off by body piercings on a human.

Belly button, nose ring, tongue, nipple and nether region piercings seem so unsightly. Earrings make sense because gold and diamonds help you hear better. It's not science, but it's what I like to believe.

People who insert quarter-sized cork plugs in their ears need to plug their brains because it's leaking with good judgement. I have yet to be in a situation where I need to cork a bottle of Pinot and a random dude saves the day by giving me his cork piercing.

This Versus backpack is the closest thing I'll ever get to a piercing. It just does it for me with its functionality and punk rock attitude.

YES
We all need a little punk rock now and then.

NO
It's not the same if you put a safety in a regular black backpack. It has to be an epic Versace safety pin that shines so bright and sparkly like a diamond that Rhianna magically appears.

MAYBE
You prefer a briefcase or messenger bag.

Please Be My Valentino!

Valentino Men's Fall 2014

I started out the year #obsessed with anything and everything Saint Laurent. But then I realized that my runner's legs will never fit into the stove-pipe skinny jeans that Hedi Slimane has been designing for the brand.

Let's just call it a sad moment in the dressing room. It looked a little something like this:

I guess there's always Saint Laurent tops and accessories I can hoarde. But the Saint Laurent aesthetic doesn't change that drastically from season to season that my current haul will last me for years before I get bored or tired of them. Besides, how many tuxedo jackets can I possibly own especially since the last time I needed a tuxedo was for a family wedding about 5 years ago.

I did try to rock it at Whole Foods, but the cheese monger didn't care or notice. And why should he?

That's when I decided to look to new designers for inspiration for the upcoming Fall 2014 season. Rick Owens is wonderful but I'm too short for his new avant guard designs. The cheese monger wouldn't be able to see my face behind that high Owens cowl neck. No one wears Gucci any more except Russians, pimps and actual Russian pimps. Kenzo had too much going on, Givenchy is reserved for wannabe b-ball players and Armani made me sleepy with all those earthy tones.

But Valentino caught my eye and seduced me right away with its devil's-in-the-details designs. I'm loving the herringbone camo suit (pictured above). The man clutch ain't too shabby either.

The double-faced cashmere coats and sweaters throughout the collection also made me wish it was already October and pumpkin-spiced latte season at Starbucks. Each piece looked so luxurious, soft to the eye and easy to understand. Even the crazy fur coats and embroidered owl jackets seemed like something someone out there would actually love and be brave enough to wear out in public (speaking to all Kanyes).

YES
I'm a Valentino-believer. Move over Saint Laurent, there's a new gay man in town winning the hearts and wallets of men.

NO
I can't really afford all of the pieces I want. But this man-boy can dream.

MAYBE
You are part of the 1% and have already bought the entire collection. I can't wait for you to sell it at a consignment store.

Knock-It-Off Zara...Please

Dear Zara,

If you're trolling the web looking for ideas on what you should knock-off or be inspired by for the upcoming fall season, please take note of my top 5 picks that deserve your attention.

Given that it takes you less than a month to "reimagine" these designs, have them produced in the not-warring parts of Ukraine or Tunisia and have them displayed on a mannequin in your 5th avenue stores in NYC, I think that my letter to you has a chance of influencing what you put in stores this fall.

If you need further reasons to compel you why these deserve to be adapted for the masses, here's a quickie:

1. Neil Barrett Lightning Sweatshirt: Every man-child loves lightning. This makes it acceptable and even cool to admit it.

2. Dolce & Gabbana Side Panel Trousers: These are the most versatile pants ever. Dress it up or down, it goes with everything.

3. Kenzo V-Panel Button Up Shirt: It's interesting without being weird.

4. Christopher Raeburn Quilted Toggle Coat: I mean, talk about a new classic coat. This is da bomb.

5. Valentino Studded Oxfords: Sneakers as a trend kind of died this summer, at least for me. It's time to break up with Nike and move on to a new love for Valentino. These shoes make a statement.

YES
Dear Zara, help make this Christmas the best-dressed version of me yet.

NO
You don't have to make everything on this list, but if wouldn't hurt.

MAYBE
I should also send this open letter to H&M, Target, etc. Yup, I went there.

Under Consideration #9

OAK NYC PONCHO

Trolling OAK NYC's website for products that may be at their upcoming sample sale, I came upon this little gem.

It's a modern take on the classic Mexican-American cowboy poncho. The cut is daring but simple. This piece can easily be worn on the street without creating too much fuss. I mean, it looks like a sweatshirt that was cut up so that you lost the sleeves. But at the same time, it's interesting enough that you know that wearing this to fashion week will make you a street style blogger super star.

The only struggle I have about adopting this item into my closet is how I will incorporate this into the rest of my look since. Being vertically-challenged, I'm afraid that this might make me look like a toddler dressed up as a superhero. Not that there's anything wrong with hyperactive imaginations. But it's something I will definitely need to try on and decide at the store.

See you at the sample sale.

YES
This poncho-hoodie hybrid packs a 1, 2, ponch!

NO
Your multi-color woven jute poncho you got from Cancun during spring break many years ago doesn't count. You should have left it on the other side of the Rio Grande.

MAYBE
You have chronic beer belly-itis and you've been wearing black ponchos and smocks to hide your girth. You're ahead of your time.

FILE UNDER "UNDER CONSIDERATION"

Sharskin for Shark Week

In honor of shark week, it's time to promote the rediscovery of the sharkskin suit. This maligned piece of fabric is the victim of ubiquity and deserves its day in court. Because it has a right to testify its side of the fashion story. 

Basically, sharkskin fabric is unique because of its two-toned woven appearance, which gives it that  subtle shine. It's also lightweight and extremely smooth. In the past, these effects were achieved through a basket weaving technique that blends all natural fibers such as a mohair, wool and silk. Needless to say it became a fabric synonymous with wealth. If you watch Mad Men, you know what I'm talking about. But here's a visual cue.

But the development of rayon and acetate in the 60's made sharkskin fabrics even cheaper to produce. This is where the villain of ubiquity pops-in its ugly mass market head and ruins the reputation of the sharkskin suit sending it off to central lock-up. Because it was everywhere from tablecloths, curtains to shirt linings, sharkskin lost its luster.

However, it's making a comeback with a new crop of men who can appreciate quality and craftsmanship. Mad Men is also a hit show with a large fan base. Christopher Bailey of Burberry has done a nifty slim fit version. It's available on their site for about $2K.  If you don't have the chump change to buy this suit, you can always find an affordable version at J.Crew or Banana Republic. I personally like Club Monaco.

YES

This is how you do modern sharkskin. With this suit, you will be the shark others will fear in the courtroom to the boardroom.  

NO

This polyblend sharkskin suit will get you laughed out of the seven seas.

MAYBE

You're a real Shark Week fan and a gray suit is never going to be in your wardrobe repertoire since you're mostly in a wetsuit. See you in the cage.

Brotox: A Bradley Cooper Case Study

Trolling the web for some light reading material, I was caught off guard with how smooth and wrinkle free Bradley Cooper's forehead looked at the recent Guardians of the Galaxy movie premiere.

With a quick Google search, I have found photos of him where he did have forehead wrinkles. So this seemed like an interesting change for him. And I wholeheartedly support his obvious Brotox.

Why do women get all the fun with plastic surgery? Men can get probed, poked, pulled and lasered too. It's about equal rights and equal access to the best plastic surgeons LA has to offer.

I'm not paid to be in front of a camera and I feel the need to look into my options as I get older. It starts with a dye job and then all of a sudden, I have so much poison in my face that I could be a weapon of mass destruction. People who say that they want to grow old gracefully are below average-looking people with highly developed self-esteems. I'm not the Dalai Lama seeking enlightenment. I'm an average guy who wants to grow old gracefully with as much help as possible.

YES
Plastic surgery for men is okay as long as you don't go overboard. Always consult with a doctor who's worked with a face that looks like it hasn't had any work done. That's the only pair of hands that you allow to touch you.

NO
John Travolta, Bruce Jenner and Kenny Rogers are not good role models for surgery.

MAYBE
You're 80 years old and it's too late for you to have surgery. Because there's no point in remodeling. Just live off the rest of your life with your charms.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

 In honor of the summer season, I'd like to shine a spotlight on manscaping. Since I don't have body hair of my own to practice on, I figured I'd look to the experts of YouTube. I found several porn-like videos of real men shaving the fuzz. But Gilette's video of a guy with a nipple and 5 pieces of chest hair was the most amusing to watch. 

I imagine that not having chest hair in the summer means that you can wear a light knit or t-shirt without the curly-q chest pubes poking out of your mercerized cotton. It also throws me off when you see a guy with a tank top and there's a toupee sitting right below his collar bone. I'm lucky to have chest propecia.  

YES

Manscapping is all about the children. You don't want them to get the impression that back hair is okay. Shave away for the kids.

NO

It doesn't actually cool you off more. But it does show off your muscle tone and you've worked so hard all winter for this. It's your moment. Own it my friend.

MAYBE

You want to go the extra step and get your pedicure done too. God bless you! You're my hero.

File Under Watch Out

How to Dress Like a Baby Daddy

When it comes to celebrities whose personal sense of style I look up to, I always go back to Ryan Gosling--soon to be the baby-daddy to Eva Mendes half Latina beauty baby.

The Pitt-Jolie clan should be relieved since the Gosling-Mendes hybrids will surely overshadow the former's mix batch of children.

It also doesn't hurt that Ryan G has never made a fashion misstep. His girlfriend could take notes from him because she's had some major fashion fails. Ryan is fashion perfection.

See here, here and here for examples

He makes it all look so simple and natural. Even when he wore a pajama shirt with white pants at Cannes, I realized that I've been missing out on the Sealy Posture Pedic Serta Couture look. And for that I have to thank him.

It will be interesting to see how he will dress for the baby. I don't care what he dresses the baby in, but Ryan can curate my closet any day.

YES
Be just like Ryan and keep it simple, keep it tailored, and accessorize with class...read quality accessories such as well-made loafers and a baby-proof sport watch to finish your look.

NO
A designer baby buggy doesn't make an outfit. But a luxury baby-daddy bag by Bottega Veneta (like their Marco Polo tote) could work.

MAYBE
You're infertile or you've been fixed by a human veterinarian. That's still no excuse. You can still take style inspirations from Ryan Gosling. He's everything I want to be when I grow up.

I Love a Good 3-Way

And by 3-way I mean Vans x Supreme x Comme des Garcons.

Obviously, these shoes already sold out as soon as I discovered them. But I can still appreciate how amazing they look. because they've taken a classic design, made it awesome and then made them exclusively cool.

It's no easy feat to make something so simple and iconic into something else. These shoes have accomplished a rare feat.

YES
It's the double rainbow of fashion happiness; and somewhere out there leprechauns are freaking out about these shoes.

NO
You don't have to be a skater to enjoy this collab. You just have to be able to appreciate sneaks--the poor man's watch collection.

MAYBE
You were lucky enough to buy a pair of these when they came out. Or you bought them on e-bay for 3x the price they were sold for originally. No judgements here. Spend your money however you want. It beats being a drug addict.

That's the Magic of Fashion

Katie Eary is my hero. Her fall winter 2014 men's collection is crazy wonderful. It's like an acid trip through Disneyland with Satan.

It's kooky in a good way because it's entertaining to look at. The twisted hair tipped to look like Satan's quaff makes a great statement about how fashion is the devil. If that's the case, then take me straight to Hades because I have the outfits. 

But if you take Katie's pieces apart and mix the graphic button up with regular basics like a black pair of jeans it would actually look decent. Or pair the printed pants with a simple white t-shirt and it could work in real life either as Kanye performing on stage or watching him from the crowd. The devil is in the details. 

Even the mouse helmet works with a black tuxedo and white gloves. I mean, that's the true magic of Disney. But be warned that a Tinkerbell might follow you around.

But seriously. Her designs are original and interesting. Now, I have to find a store where I can see the clothes in person since photographs are the best liars. They might look good on a computer screen but feel like sandpaper when you actually touch the garment. 

YES

Screw the Disney Princesses and their billion dollar profits. The mouse is where it's at.

NO

You don't need to wear the look head to toe to make it work.

MAYBE

You're just like me and getting bored with the gym luxe looks that everyone's been rocking and ready to move on to something new and different. Like Jay-Z says, we're on to the next one.

My Kind of Ambien

Since the Valentino men's spring 2015 collection is still fresh on my mind and I want to look like a young ethnic Heff w/o the Playmates, these two Marc by Marc Jacob pieces on www.thecorner.com caught my eye.

YES
They are on-sale and it's a good way to wear a trend now versus waiting til spring 2015. This is the secret of a fashion hoarder.

NO
Your real pajamas really aren't the same. The cuts are different. So if you insist, then take your luxury pajama to your tailor and have it taken in so that it looks more tailored and meant for the streets and not your Serta.

MAYBE
You're Julian Schnabel and you can do whatever you want.

File under "Under Consideration."

I'm Bananas for Pajamas

I've been a big fan of Julian Schnabel not for his movies, art or pink mansion (aka Chupi) in the West Village of New York.

But I admire him most for his foresight in making luxury pajamas acceptable day and evening wear (see picture for examples).



In the day time, he'll wear his pajamas with sneakers, a blazer and luxury timepiece. For evening, he'll hit the red carpet in the same pajamas and blazer but with slip on dress shoes and an overcoat. He embodies and defines the literal meaning of "rolled out of bed."

Naturally it's easy for him to make this look work with panache since he's wealthy, successful and fortunate enough to never have to deal with the MTA bus, subway or rail.

That's why, when I grow up relatively soon, or about 6 months until the Valentino spring 2015 men's collection (pictured up top) hits the stores, I will try to channel my inner Schnabel to capture that elegant bed head look.

YES
Hugh Hefner is the forefather to Julien's look and it has been updated for the modern man who has to take a subway to work. And I'm quite happy about it and look forward to looking like a working playboy on the N,R, Q trains.

NO
Pajama jeans do not count as luxury lounge wear. So put down the phone and don't place that order even if the second pair comes for free.

MAYBE
You strongly believe that pajamas belong only in the bedroom and not on the red carpet, the Metropolitan Opera House or the office. I respect that, but don't judge me when you see me at Whole Foods.

I Dream of Barrett...Neil Barrett

I've never signed up for Match.com, ChristianMingle or OKCupid.

But if I did, I'm pretty sure that my perfect match would be Neil Barrett's men's spring 2015 collection. I mean what's there not to like about it. Neil Barrett's looks for spring are the perfect catch.  The pants look casual enough for long romantic walks on the beach. The zippers on the side of the shirts shows an ability to be flexible. Plus, I like how the collection doesn't try too hard. It's everything I've ever dreamed of in a perfect wardrobe.

I think we may be in love. And come spring, there might be a marriage between this collection and my closet.

YES
Sometimes an algorithm can be so right. I mean, 1/3rd of married couples in the U.S. meet online. Neil's spring collection and I are just another example.

NO
You don't have to put a ring on the first collection that gets you excited. You have to be sure it's right for both of you.

MAYBE
Religion is important to you. I'm pretty sure that these cotton pants are kosher and halal. Baptism optional.

Man Crushing; Street Style

YES
This guy's outfit is everything...from his grandma's purse, the polka dot sneakers, the loose-fitting tee and those pants. I would mug him on the street just to have those freaking pants.

NO
There's nothing about this look that needs to changed. This is man crushing at its finest.

MAYBE
He's my fashion soul mate. If only I were single. If only he were 2 sizes smaller. If only.