Happy Slut-o-Ween (aka Halloween)

Halloween is a celebration of a lost childhood. It's reconnecting with the time when you carried a cheap plastic pumpkin pale around your neighborhood collecting candy from your neighbors. It was the purest and simplest form of childhood joy.

But grown-ups are corrupt so adult costumes are borderline obscene. Everything is hyper-sexualized. There's the:

• Sexy nurse
• The slutty nuns with a habit
• Naughty school girl
• Pole dancing Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz strip club

But where's the slutty men? As women inch up in the pay ladder and outpace men in terms of college enrollment, graduation and just about everything else, I think it's time for men to get into the Slut-O-Ween spirit and rock a slutty costume.

Pole greasing fireman
Sleazy sailor
Dirty pirate
Beer sucking vampire
Puts the tool in toolman
Handcuff Harry, your trusted policeman

YES: Get your slut on and you might meet your matching slut at the party
NO: If you're a parent walking your kids around the neighborhood to trick-or-treat
MAYBE: You just keep it in the bedroom where most of these costumes belong