Hating on Tom Cruise

I haven't seen his latest film Oblivion and have no desire to pay $50 to go to see it in a NYC movie theater. But this red carpet image of Tom Party of 1 made me think, "Dude! You need to rethink your style."

Tom was the man! He defined a generation of X-treme Manhood that celebrated guys who went way out of their way to prove just how manly they are in a time as women continued to assert themselves in every segment of society.

Put aside Tom's influence on society and his impressive library of one-liners (i.e. Need for Speed or You Complete Me), I think it's time for Tom to handle the truth. His tie is the size of a placemat. 

Not since Pavarotti's silk scarves have I seen a tie the width of a Subway 12 inch sub. Even Jerod would put that much fabric on a diet.

Maybe Katie left Tom because his look is stuck in the nineties style. But then again, that decade is back and currently current.

YES

A wide tie doesn't help anybody that short and stocky. It only works to add more width to the silhouette.

NO

You don't have to retire your tie. If you have enough of them, you can get creative like Martin Margiela and sew them all together to make a lovely shirt made out of ties.

MAYBE

You are a big stocky guy and a wide tie actually evens out your girth. More power to you. But seriously, call Jerod or your doctor and take care of that. Not everyone is Tom Cruise.

A Trip to the Past Now My Present-Future

Over the weekend, I made a trip to the Paul Smith sale shop in Williamsburg. Even though it's become the cultural epicenter of the city that attracts tourists, models, their loyal stalkers and a load of trust fund kids, I discovered a unique measurement of time that I like to call the Present-Future.

The Present-Future is just an actualization of what life is like now and a vision of what it will be in the near future. Taking Williamsburg into consideration, in the past, it was a neighborhood with a strong Latino, Italian and Polish influence. Even before the birth of the hipster--a local home-grown creation--the young kids who settled the neighborhood were misfits, artists and musicians. They had a real sense of style and individuality. Naturally they attracted groupies, wannabes and white collared stiffs who wanted a way to escape their mundane reality.

And the Present-Future of Williamsburg is a series of high-rise condominiums that will keep sprouting up like mushrooms. With each new addition, they are accompanied by organic vegan tofu trucks served by chefs trained at the French Cordon Bleu. They source veggies from local rooftops alongside honey that's sold by the ounce at the same price of gold. The present is less stylish and the future will be even less so. Instead of the mix-and-match style that Williamsburg used to be known for, I only saw the same gaggle of girls with the same Chanel bags and the preppy guys with boat shoes.

The original creative types have been pushed out. The neighborhood is on the same evolutionary path as once-bohemian Soho. Nowadays, it's easier to find a designer store than it is to find an art studio or gallery on Spring Street, which it was known for in the past.

Gentrification used to be a dirty word. But now it's just the norm. It has a life cycle that enters a Present-Future.  Pretty soon, the Paul Smith sale shop will be a full-priced shop. The future Prada store will be an amazing virtual store on the water next door to a one day to be built Crate & Barrel. There will be $800 shoes strutting up and down Bedford Ave to one of the many high-rises. And the original hipster look will be recycled by a designer in 10 years time and s/he will resell it as nostalgia to a new generation looking to connect with a past they don't understand.

YES
Just like fashion, neighborhoods change along with the times. Don't fight it, just go along for the ride.

NO
I haven't discovered where the new it neighborhood is in the city. A part of me hopes that the exciting artist community still exists but I wouldn't be surprised if it's no longer within one of the five original boroughs. This past week, I actually looked into going to Marfa, TX just to check out their art scene before the Present-Future takes hold of that small artsy town.

MAYBE
Reverse gentrification may be a thing in the far distant future but I just won't be here to witness it.

Put Some Junk in Your Trunk

It's always around this time of year that I notice how the gym is always busy with guys and girls who are working on perfecting their beach beautiful bodies. Every free second they have must be dedicated to cardio, weight training and avoiding carbs. Boo fat. Yay thin. But this fanatical corpal commitment is all done for the future.

Whether it's for a quick spring vacation to Mexico or to prep for an entire summer of sharing a house out in the Hampton's or Shore, they are all obsessed about working on their beach-bikini-ready bodies.

I'm one of them.

Having gained major poundage from an all you can eat European cruise compounded by a celebratory holiday, I've got my work cut out for me before the first break of summer weather gets to the east coast. In trying on my old collection of swimwear, I realize that it's time to say good-bye to a few pieces and perhaps time to pick up a new one.

The problem with men's swimwear is that it's just one piece that makes it or break it for a guy whereas women have an arsenal of tops, bottoms, one-pieces and cover-ups to help them hide or accentuate their best assets. Here's a quick guide on how to pick the right pair for you to show off the body you've worked so hard to put back together.

YES
--Rock a Speedo especially if you're an Olympian or just built like one. But just because you're European or gay doesn't make it a birthright.
--Be your best Metrosexual in swim shorts aka boy shorts. Longer boy shorts which have an inseam of 4" look best on taller guys with super skinny legs. The 2" inseam shorts look best on shorter meatier guys. I would recommend this to a guy who's also a little bigger. Women have a swimsuit rule that a smaller bikini makes girls look smaller versus a big one. Same rule applies to guys.  
--Prints are okay. Vilebrequin makes them so that you can buy a matching pair for your toddler. Awww...so sweet. Rule of thumb is if you like it buy it. If you're unsure ask a friend whose style you admire.
--Elastic bands versus surfer tie-bands. Elastic is more secure around the waist and more forgiving for guys whose weight yo-yos. Tie bands look horrible on fat guys and look best on toned surfer types.
--There's nothing wrong with exploiting your own God given gifts. If you can give Long Dong Silver a run for his money, then you can either enhance your Jon Hamm with a banana sling Speedo or you can camouflage it with a printed short.

NO
--Men's swimwear shouldn't go past your knees. I'll probably buy the one pictured above with the cool skeletal print. But I already know I'll need to have it cut so that it works with my proportions.
--Do not buy $300 designer swimwear. Remember, it's just nylon with a mesh lining. It's just not worth it.

MAYBE
--You hate the summer, water and anything beach related. At least fake it with a spray tan.