Style Resolutions You Can Live By

With 2012 coming to a close, it's the perfect opportunity to make a commitment to better style in the New Year. You deserve it.

It's been a tough year for everyone. The economy continues to suck and we had to endure a bitter election. We learned that 47% of us do not matter but we ended up voting for the same guy anyway. That was a great way to spend millions of dollars with the same results. Next time, I just need a powerpoint presentation from each candidate and I will then pick the guy or girl I'll be voting for. Or it could be set up like the Voice. I will sit in a chair, and the candidate who can make sweet music will get me to turn my chair around.

The sad economy and the lack of discretionary funds may be reason why sweatpants made a big fashion moment in 2012. Even I made a habit out of wearing my T by Alexander Wang sweats out to brunch with friends. Don't judge me, I'm a tea-guzzling, raging Independent. And I paired them with designer sneakers...you know, the kind that will never see the inside of the gym since they cost too much to be worn on a treadmill.

But 2013 is a fresh start. It's a new beginning. Despite the fact that most people only focus on the bad things that happened in the past year (Whitney Houston's death, Hurricane Sandy, shootings by crazies), I like to think that we also had some good things come out of the year. We learned that Koreans have Gangnam Style and The Jersey Shore and all of its crime of fashion will finally come to an end. 

YES 

Try some color even though I'm in my goth phase and men's fashion is also moving to the dark side, I think that the less somber of us should celebrate their personal style in color. Someone should. But try to pick up a black piece or two. You'll thank me by year's end.

Considering that all of the nerves in the body connect to the bottoms of your feet, 2013 is the year we should all invest in better footwear. I've invested in a new pair of Prada sneaker/dress shoe hybrids. It's both black and brown and will undoubtedly be a challenge to pair with the right outfit since there's so much going on my shoes. But who cares, my feet deserve them. While we're on the subject, a pedicure couldn't hurt either especially during flip flop/sandal season. Your girlfriend sincerely thanks you.

Buy a baseball cap and dress it up. IT will be the year of the baseball cap. Think Jay-Z and you might one day be just as cool...okay, you won't.

NO

Retire the Ed Hardy 4Ever or anything that has a tattoo motif. Leave it for the navy guys and just watch that fashion trend sail away...along with Crocs.

The other men's fashion trends to leave in 2012 include
1. Logo sweatshirts (i.e. anything with A&F emblazoned on it); it's the biggest way to say failed frat boy.
2. Watches the size of saucer plates; because we don't have time to think about how small your penis must be because you're compensating with a watch big enough to serve Thanksgiving dinner on
3. Flip flops for city dwellers; they really are for the beach and having to look at dirty feet during the summer is just as gross as having to look at busted toes. To quote the famed YouTube sensation Sweet Brown "Ain't got no time for that!"

MAYBE

You already have your personal style down pat and you don't need to upgrade your look aside from the occasional sock or dirty underwear. I just hope your style isn't stuck in some long forgotten decade, because the New Year is all about celebrating the future. Even if you peaked during your high school days in the 90's, you need to move on. Then again, the 90s is making a fashion comeback...just make sure your clothes fit. 

Countdown to New Year Style

Credit card debt
Weight gain
Empty promises
Family drama
WTF gifts

These are a few of my favorite holiday things. And you have a week before you have another holiday to celebrate.

But what to wear for New Year's Eve if nothing fits because of all the festive eating, drinking and celebrating. Can't say no to a good cup of egg nog. It would be un-American like passing on the pie, cookies and mash potatoes with gravy. And I'm a patriot.

There is the gym, but as everyone knows, it takes weeks to lose the weight but only hours to gain it. Normally, my go to fat outfit is a roomy cable knit sweater that I pair with slim fit jeans and boots. The sweater says winter and the slim jeans still gives the illusion that I'm thin all the way through. Thank goodness I store fat on the sides and not my legs.

YES: If you're going to a dressier party, it's okay to wear a casual suit. Just leave the jacket unbuttoned to let the girth breathe especially if you're not wearing a tie. Use a dark scarf underneath to pull it together and make you slimmer looking (see image for a visual representation of what I'm talking about).

You can also just go simple with flannel and jeans. Leave the shirt untucked. This goes for navy, dark green or burgundy button ups as well.

NO: Stretch pants or an elastic waist band is never an option even if you're celebrating New Year's at home in your mother's basement. And leave the turtleneck at home since it only accentuates the holiday fat you've gathered around your face. Avoid wearing all black. Something about starting the year in funeral garb is kind of morose even for me.

MAYBE: You can just party in Times Square where it's close to freezing, which means no one will see how fat you look in your clothes because you're bundled up in a down coat. And everyone looks fat in a down coat.