The Problem with Season Jumpers

It happened over the weekend. In the era of global-warming, unseasonably warm weather has brought spring like temperatures to the east coast with highs in the low-60's during the day, but lows in the high-30's at night. The extreme disparity in temperature has confounded many men and women in the city. Men are quick to show off their calves in shorts baring their pasty ghost-like legs, while women are hurriedly modeling their new spandex collection from Lululemon with cantilevered boobs coming to a cold and perky point for all to see and appreciate.

They roam the streets just as confused as the men and women who suffer from "Down Parka Withdrawal Syndrome." Bundled in their sleeping bag jackets sweating bullets into the pockets of pillowy fowl feathers, they only acknowledge that it's starting to be spring because they aren't wearing any gloves. 

But the most sad of them all are the people who combine the down jacket with shorts and sandals. 

Stop the madness! You have plenty of months to showcase your mangled man toes in those Havainas. And boobs are perennials, they're in season all year round. Save the spandex for your next Soul Cycle class.

YES: God created layers so that you can put things on and off like a stripper at Scores. Just remember that the lighter and thinner the fabrics, the less bulky you'll looked layered up. I like to wear a t-shirt with a cardigan and a denim jacket. If it gets cooler I'll throw a light down vest.

NO: Don't jump a season ahead or backwards. It's too cold for a bikini and it's too warm for thinsulate shoes. Make use of the Container Store and contain thy seasonal clothes. We are judging you behind your back and to your face if you're lucky.

MAYBE: Fine, let's say you have internal heating issues. But don't tell me that your mangled man feet are cold but your torso and legs beg to be covered in corduroy and down. There's a college game for that and I call BULLSH!T!