Italians Do it Better! Online!

I am an obsessive reader of books, magazines, newspapers, gossip sites, bathroom graffiti etc. (still trying to confirm if Jessica is an amazing c*cksucker per the urinal at the sushi bar). But the American men's magazines out there bore me. There's no way to distinguish GQ, Details, Esquire, Men's Journal, Men's Health, Sports Illustrated etc from one another. Same actor/model/singer with a different masthead posing in the same shirt, tie and ankle short pants. Sure I read the stories on of how to cook beef, where to get a drink or how to have better sex, but I don't read it for the styling. It's a lot boring. Same dark suit, watches and shoes but the model is jumping or running or playing basket ball. Big yawn.

I want something a little more inspiring like "oh, that's cool, I could wear that." But the alternatives like  VMan, Paper and all the other avant garde men's style magazine is a little too out there for me. I'm sure that there's a time and place where a distressed denim suit with ass-less chaps is the appropriate attire...it's just not in my sphere.

Then I recently discovered the English version of L'Uomo Vogue (Men's Vogue Italy). Finally, there's a way for me to read the translated content of the magazine I always flip through at the newsstand with the European style of dressing that I love. It doesn't mean that I abandon my American sportswear sensibilities of basic tee and jeans, but when I want something new, more put together and stylish, I always look foreign magazines and blogs. This site does it for me. 


YES if you're inspired by Italian style
NO if you don't have a passport to travel beyond your city limits, and the Jersey Shore is your Italian cultural touch point
MAYBE if you want to dabble in a little Dolce vita & Gabbana loafers

Shop It to Me!

We've established that we care how we present ourselves to the greater world outside our homes. It feels nice to look put together and we don't need Oprah to remind us of that.

But updating your wardrobe can be scary like a box of Dunkin Donuts at a Weight Watchers meeting.

Swide.com did a great job identifying the Spring/Summer trends for men. There's a lot of different ways to freshen up your look from shirt jackets to adding a touch of suede to your closet, but you don't need everything that they have in their slideshow. Remember that style is personal and buy the things that will work for you and not make you feel uncomfortable.


So here are some things I've put on my spring shopping list to keep my look fresh like a prince of Bel Air without looking like a try-hard and some things that I'm staying away from like the special ointment aisles of a drug store.

YES. BUY ME ON LAYAWAY
1. Brace for It: Nothing says spring like pops of color in your outfit, and the easiest way and most affordable way to do it without scaring the children is through your accessories. Last year was all about the bead bracelets and rope bracelets. I rocked the Buddhist prayer beads a friend gave me without ever achieving Nirvana. This year, I'm going Native...American with Indian multi-colored glass bead bracelets. Find your tribe and rock it with me. The alternative would be a bright colored watch like the ones offered by Nooka. If man jewelry isn't your thing a light colored bag or scarf are acceptable alternatives.
2. Parka Parka Parka: It may seem so last year, but I'm still hunting for the perfect parka that can take me from parks and recreation to work and the grind. It's my holy grail for this spring/summer.
3. A Shoe In: Shoes can make an outfit and help make your basic suit look like it's ready for a spring break trip adults call sales meeting. I've bought basic suede oxfords in navy and another pair in black since they are work appropriate. BUT I've ordered colored shoe laces from ShoeLaceExpress.com in hunter green, royal blue and lavender so that I can kick it to the new season with my basic shoes. If you want to go bolder, invest in the Cole Haan multi-colored oxfords. They'll look great with a suit or with shorts.
4. Make It Short & Sweet: Upgrade your shorts with plaid. I've bought a few from Gap in red and green. I also had the hems raised just above the knee because I'm short and if it's too low below the knew I look like a hip hop Hobbit.

NO. THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE, KEEP IT MOVING
1. Skinny Jeans: I did it, and so can you. Break up with them and move on to slim fit jeans to transition from one addiction to another. Your thighs and man junk will thank you as they breathe a sigh of relief. The only exception here is if your job is hair band impersonator, then as you were Bon Jovi! Please keep living on the edge.
2. Ankle Pants: I confess that I was a slut and showed off some bare ankle in the past stirring the passions of women and sexually curious boys all over Manhattan. I have the DD's of ankles and short pants that showed them off were the way to go. But it's time to move on and pay the extra price to have them covered up like the Amish would. In this new era of conservatism, I'm putting them away and so should you.
3. Crazy Prints: Even though it looked like a Rorschach test threw up on the runways of many designers for spring, leave it for the guys 20 and under to pull off this look. It does not belong on your body. If you insist please have the decency to cover it up with a blazer or cardigan.
4. Flip Floppity Hoppity: Maybe it's because I'm a self-confessed germaphobe, but there's something about men and women wearing Havaianas in the city that make me verklempt out of my mind. I always see the black undersides of their feet as their walking because surprise surprise, the city is a dirty place. Please help me help you save you from a foot fungus. Dr. Scholls thanks you for your support.

MAYBE. IT WILL BE ALL OKAY
1. Mad about Plaid: I have a few pieces that I like to wear under a suit since it's a simple spring/summer basic every man should have. It won't revolutionize your life, but it's easy.
2. Ahoy Boat Shoes: Not really my thing, but I also have an aversion to water. If you own a boat it's your birth right to have a pair of Sperry's. It sure beats Havaianas in the city.
3. The Chin in Chinos: Whether your pair is Dockers, Gap or Gant, just make sure it fits and it's the right length.
4. So Last Year: It's okay to wear whatever you bought last year or the year before. Trust me, no one will notice unless your shirt says the year it was made. Whoopsies.

Hoard Like a Man

Ever since the Neanderthals moved into a cozy cave in the French Alps with sweeping views of the valley and 1,200 square feet of grey wall to floor granite, men began hoarding. It started simple enough with lavish animal furs and the best quality hides (all locally sourced), but he began to outgrow the cave when the walk-in closet got over crowded with bats. He moved to a hut and built an outdoor storage unit next to the yak farm and the chicken coop. But even that became too small. Now he lives in the suburbs, drives a mechanical horse that can take him to a mini-mall that's only a 5 minute walk away. Compared to his cave man ancestors, today's man has a plethora of things to hoard. From pens, magazines to Facebook friends. There's too much. Here's a helpful guide.

YES: Bring It On Baby
1. Underwear: Every man lives in his underwear. You find one that lets the boys breathe free, you hoard it like a cattle rancher. I live in Calvin Klein nylon boxer briefs and no longer wait to exhale.
2. Jeans: Men are just as obsessed about finding the perfect jeans as women. It's a fashion holy grail. We may not care (as much) if our asses look juicy like a watermelon, but we do care if it gives us enough swag on the street with our Calvins.
3. Wine: Obviously a batch of wine is made based on the yield and climate of the year. So wine from year to year is NEVER the same. You find a bottle you like, you buy a case of it and store it like a bootlegger BUT hide it from the winos.

NO: Call-in the Dumpster
1. Socks & T-Shirts: It's a year-round staple they will never stop making unless China is swallowed by the earth. So unless they have healing powers or possess the prowess of Elvis in spandex, it's not worth it. Move on.
2. Something from an Ex: You start with collecting panties to tank tops to hair jewelry etc. But it just gets to a point where it's creepy...like Silence of the Lambs collecting the skins of fat girls creepy.
3. Bad Manners: Sure the guy who acts like a dick on TV seems cool and potentially sexy to girls with long-time friends at the free clinic; but it doesn't translate in real life. Get over yourself.

MAYBE: You Can Get away with It
1. Porn: It doesn't need explanation.
2. Memorabilia: If looking back at old photos, cards, concert tickets make you think of a happy time in your dysfunctional life, then you should keep it. I hoard hotel room keys from amazing vacations. It's my thing.
3. Jewelry: It's like a shiny investment in your future. Just don't wear it all at once, unless you are Liberace reincarnate!