Trendspotting: Where is the Love?

The devil is in the details and you could see that clearly in Burberry Prorsum's latest collection for Fall 2013. Since I'm in my black and white phase, I noticed this little ditty in the Burberry show that had me at hello.

I mean the black suit with a black dress shirt with the white hearts is perfect. What's not to love about this look? Anyone and their mamas can pull this off. 

YES

If you love to look good, this is something to keep in mind.

NO

This won't help your compatibility stats on Match.com. It might help you come off as super cheesy and needy on a date though.

MAYBE

You're coming out of a bitter divorce and you're just not in the mood for love.

Reality Really Bites at DKNY

I've noted in previous posts that the 90's are having a flashback moment and no where is this more true than the DKNY Fall 2013 show.

It makes sense that they are capitalizing on the Gen X comeback since that's when the brand really took off and became a part of the zeitgeist. They've also just reissued some of their original 90's classic designs in partnership with Opening Ceremony. Naturally, they are charging millennium prices (i.e. hellah expensive for stuff you can probably still find at the salvation army)

But the reality is, each of the DKNY look bites. Looking through the collection is like talking to a narcoleptic with a sleeping pill addiction. It just puts you to sleep.

Where's the grunge? Where's Marky Mark hip-hopping around in his low rise baggy jeans? Where's Ethan Hawke being pessimistic in the movie and in real life? Where's the wow?

YES
Avoid the DKNY collection. There's nothing new here. They should have left this in the 90's.

NO
Not even Donna herself can save this. Good thing she sold the line when she did. Make that money and leave like Julia Roberts in that classic love story about hookers with a heart of gold.

MAYBE
You can pull off this look if you get a discman and listen to Nirvana's greatest hits.

Boom: You've Been Photobombed

This hilarious slideshow needs to be shared far and wide

Click Here for Slideshow

YES
A successful photobomb requires spontaneity and perfect timing.

NO
There are no restrictions or age limits. I photobombed by nephew's christening last week just to make it memorable. Devil horns while in church just seemed like an appropriate Kodak memory.

MAYBE
You were the victim of a cruel photobomb attack and have developed PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). You are now a photo-pacifist.

Trendspotting: Proportionately Yours or Not

With full disclosure I have to say up front that I'm a Y-3 groupie.

Yohji Yamamoto's collection for Adidas is always just so f*cking cool. Even if there are pieces that look like it just escaped from Bellevue Mental Facility (see 2nd image insert), I don't judge the clothing, I just think that I'm not good enough to wear Yohji's creation. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for not having model proportions and having to take into account my safety on public transportation.

This fall, master Yohji wants us to play with proportions. I've always loved toying with short versus long or baggy versus tight. In order to take on this new challenge for fall, I will need to start looking at my closet with a keen eye to see what I can work with. I'll just need to pick up a pair of parachute pants or shorts for my next trip to Baghdad.

YES
Playing with proportions can help you hide your imperfections. I'm a fan of wearing a short tight jacket over a long untucked shirt with tapered pants (see picture 1).

NO
These looks are not country club, ski lodge or shooting range  approved. Not really sure where you'd wear this parachute short comb in real life.

MAYBE
You're a straight up and down kind of person and there's no room proportion. You're missing out.

Pedestrian Texting

I can't take it anymore. Pull over dammit!

As a professional street walker (without the sex), I am annoyed by the amateurs I see on the sidewalk every day. Technology is amazing and wonderful, but I don't need to be a part of your accident waiting to happen. I'm even at the point where I don't even bother to move to avoid a streetexters, I just walk right into them.

If your message is so engrossing that your texts veer you straight into traffic, I think it's time to take a page from Ellen and Oprah and pull your ass over to finish your beautiful text sonnet.

I'm not alone here either. It seems that a town in New Jersey is looking to fine streetexters $85 if caught walking and texting.

YES
Texting is not a right, it's a privilege. The privilege is that I have good enough sense not to grab your phone from you, throw it to the ground and do my break dance on your latest smartphone device.

NO
Do not act like I should be watching where you're going. If you walk into traffic, it's all on you. I am not your mama.

MAYBE
You don't have a phone, you live in that North Carolina town that prohibits technology and you don't have any friends to text. Congratulations, you're probably 100 years old and lonely because all your friends are probably dead. Awww...xoxo #sad

3 Fs: Fabric, Fit, Finishing

Like most male peacocks, I've been thinking about the spring season ahead especially because it's been below freezing in New York City. What warms the heart is the thought of sunshine, lemonade, flower blossoms and naturally Tod's loafers. Spring also marks the mating season. With Valentine's Day coming up, I'm in the mood for love.

And like any self-respecting peacock, I would like to prune my feathers as the urban flock begin to shed their winter layers to show off to the opposite, same sex, bi-sexual, bi-curious, asexual and closet heterosexual birds.

To help out my fellow peacocks, I want to share the 3 Fs you need to take with you to the store as you shop for your spring wardrobe:

1. FABRIC: Whether you like bright prints, plain solid colors, polka dots or stripes, try to buy soft, breathable fabrics. As the weather warms up, you'll want something that will let your skin breathe. If you see a label that says Pima cotton touch it and then touch a regular cotton shirt. Your hands will guide you Daniel-san.
2. FIT: I tend to move towards looser fitted clothes for warm weather. The worst feeling is to have something tight and uncomfortable. But I don't go crazy and buy man-blouses. I just avoid shirts that have the darts in the back.
3. FINISHING: The devil is in the subtle details. Your buttons don't need to double up as mini saucers, but look for the little things in clothes that you enjoy. Whether it's the tabs to keep sleeves rolled up, hidden buttons or an unexpected print that's revealed when you roll up your pants, these are the subtle things that catch the eye.

YES
Be a Follower and join the flock.

NO
If you follow the 3 Bs to your wardrobe...seasons are BULLSHIT...I only BUY...BASICS

MAYBE
You want to add an extra F to my list and say F-U to me. It's a free country for now and you can exercise your right to free speech while you still can.

Neck to Neck

So I got an email from Levi announcing their latest 504 jeans. The denim itself is lackluster and looks like something that goes to a Costco to die in wholesale. Even the model didn't know how to work the pair of jeans standing as stiff as an Egyptian marble statue looking into the far distance. I'm not showing the new 504s because what's the point. There's no need to share disappointment.

But what caught my eye in their email ad was the way the model is shown wearing his neckerchief with a simple polo shirt.It may seem obvious that I've been into a neck thing lately. I can't help it since I'm always looking for different ways to transition out of wearing long heavy scarves into something a little lighter for spring. 

Plus I have a collection of bandanas that I've only used to wrap my head while running. But this gives me a new idea of how to wear it without trying to look like a cowboy. Put a baseball jacket over this and you're ready to party anywhere. Wear it under a blazer and chinos and you'll look like a modern take on British ascot.

YES

Especially if you have one of those breathing devices through your trachea. This would be a nice way to hide it (always looking out for the disenfranchised).

NO

Don't wear this with a chambray/denim shirt unless you're a real 10 gallon hat wearing cowboy and you're main mode of transportation is a horse versus a vehicle that only runs on horse-powered engines.

MAYBE

You're a traditional ascot man and you've got an Earl or Duke title to match. To that I say carry-on and cheerio!