Tis the season to celebrate the birth of Jesus (aka Lil Baby J) with drunken egg nog shots and presents.
YES: IT'S A HOLIDAY WRAP
Some basic ideas for getting the right gift this season.
1. THE CAR ENTHUSIAST: Inspired by the Lexus ad on TV with the big bow tied to a sporty SUV? Then give a car if you have the money and parking space. If not, there's always designer key chains. The classic key chain can be bought at Tiffany's for $125, but monogramming will cost you extra.
This gift also applies to:
--Guy you've just started dating and it's getting serious but maybe not
--Your dad, son or the holy spirit
--Anyone who owns a set of keys
2. THE FOODIE: The easiest one to buy for, you can always get them wine, rare delicacies (like coffee pooped by a jungle cat) and expensive kitchen gadgets they'll never use to make them happy. You may need to give them an insulin shot to get them through Christmas dinner, but they look Santa Claus jolly.
This gift also applies to:
--Someone you don't really like but feel compelled to buy something for; and you don't want to spend more than $20 and that's final.
--A Secret Santa pool. Just avoid anything with nuts because just your luck the person who gets it will be allergic and make a big stink about it or accidentally eats it and you know...dies.
3. THE MALE PEACOCK: This guy is tricky and probably picky about the kind of clothes and skincare he uses. To avoid buying a gift card to his favorite store, the best thing to do is to buy something they already own and love but buy it in a different color. If it's a beauty product, just buy them more of it because it saves them the trouble of ordering it online. And if they don't like it, then they'll just return it and you'll never know he did. It's a Charlie Sheen Win Win situation.
This gift also applies to:
--The pain in the ass guy who complains about everything
--My parents
NO: DON'T BE STUPID
On the flip side, here are the gifts that never wins.
1. A TIE: Unless you're 10 or under, this is never appropriate. The holiday pattern only makes it worse.
2. HOLIDAY THEMED ANYTHING: There's a reason that crap goes on clearance at exactly 11:59 PM on Christmas Eve. Even Frosty the Snowman wouldn't wear a sweatshirt with his face on it...and he's naked in the cold.
3. SOMETHING HOMEMADE: Unless you're a skilled artisan (ie you do it for a living) or the gift receiver specifically asked you to make it for them, no one wants your knitted scarf or family's secret chocolate chip cookie recipe or handmade picture frame.
MAYBE
The plausible reasons to avoid gift giving season:
1. RELIGION: You're Jewish, Muslim or a Jehovah's Witness and you don't celebrate Christmas. You get a religious pass from having to endure finding the right gift. But you reap the benefits of the holiday sales.
2. POVERTY: If you don't have the money, you don't have the money. Make a Christmas card and call it a day. --Suze Orman
3. CHARLIE BROWN: You saw the movie on TV along with It's a Wonderful Life and realize that gifts are overrated and something "The Man" pushes on people with their crazy commercialism and consumerism. Lil Baby J got mirrh, incense and gold and that was enough. Period!
Amen to that!
